Tuesday, 24 October 2017

Dis-placing Me

I'm writing this as I'm stuck on the Eurostar on the way home after one of the best weekends away. Yes, I mean stuck, the train is literally not moving because people are on the track - thanks Ashford, so now is as good a time as any for a new blog post. This post is called Dis-placing Me because, after a weekend away - and by that, I actually mean back in London, I've decided I wanted to write about the difficulty of living in two different countries - two different worlds. I'm so lucky to have the opportunity of living in Paris, but it is not always a bed of roses.

The biggest challenge I've realised is that home no longer a place but the people that make it so. Of course, my home is my family, but my family is more than just parents and siblings, they are the friends who are now stuck with me for life (you poor people know who you are) and the ones I've only just begun to get to know.

However, I say all of this, nothing compares to the feeling of home I get when I step off the train into London - there is just something about the huge, sprawling, magical city that lets me know I'm back where I'm meant to be. It's a strange feeling and something that I didn't quite realise until the end of this year, and considering I have never actually lived in London proper, I'm not too sure where it has come from but I so don't care - London is home now, London is me.

Now that I've realised London is where I'm meant to be for the foreseeable future, and even though I've only just moved to Paris, I'm so excited to get my own proper London flat that isn't a student place and that I can begin to make my own. I feel so adult and so lame that this is what I'm getting excited about - picking out sofas and china patterns (already decided by the way) but I don't care. I think I'm so excited to be in my own little sanctuary partly because, while I'm starting to feel more at home in Paris, it is not quite my base, and I think knowing that I am really only going to be there until next summer (I'm thinking end of May at the moment) means that I'm slightly hesitant to become more invested and established, which is silly but takes time I know.

I am feeling more at home in Paris with every week that goes past, I've met some amazing people (again you know who you are) and I'm so pleased I've found them to make this transition so much easier. I'm not going to lie though, leaving Elliott at the station to get the Eurostar this evening I did have a little tear up, sat on my lonesome from Bromley South to St Pancras I had happy tears that I was so lucky to have now got two amazing places to split my time for the next 7-8 months and many incredible people, but it doesn't make it easier leaving, saying goodbye to the people in the UK that actually mean home to me.

The only picture I have from the entire weekend - Elliott winning (again)

It was so strange, we went back to Egham last night (for any new readers this was the town I went to university in for 3 years) for the first time since my graduation in July. I knew I was going to have to go back at some point and I was slightly apprehensive because this place meant so much to me as an undergraduate, this place really was my home 100% for the last 3 years and leaving it was one of the hardest things I had to do. Yet, being back last night and today it hit me again that this place was no longer home because most of the people that made it home had changed or moved on, it was sad but also a good realisation that actually the memories I'd made will always be with me but it was time to move on and that coming back actually wasn't going to help me at all, so I don't think I'll be back for a while.

I've finally made it back to my flat now so I'm going straight to bed, but I hope you enjoy my ramblings and I'll make a more concise post about the first half of term in Paris next week.

Have a good week my loves!

Lots of Love, Kate xxx

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