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Wednesday, 18 November 2015

Summing Up

Apologies for the silence of the past few months, I've been getting back into the swing of things at uni, and I can't believe term is nearly over and the Christmas holidays are only three weeks away. Currently, we are in the middle of deadline season for most or at least the point at which it is time to hand in a few essays, this can be stressful and hectic but when it's over the feeling is amazing.

Anyway what happened since I last wrote, well I went to South Africa, back to Ukutula again, this time I got to shoot a goat in the head (lion food - it was dying of heat stroke) but got to cuddle many little Cubs again, and hyenas this time - I still have the scars to prove it! It was an epic time and I so would like to go back again and again, if it wasn't for student life (and the price) I'd be back there now.

Since coming back to uni I have moved into my very own student house and the joys of communal living begins again, I'm kidding, I love my lovely housemates and our house wouldn't be so awesome if it wasn't for them. I love having a place that is ours and we can kind of make our own. Halls was great but it was very clinical, whereas our house now feels like a home. I'm so pleased we've signed up to keep it next year.

Hmmm well what else has happened - oh yes it was Elliott's 21st birthday, and the grumpy old man that he is he didn't want to celebrate it but every birthday is special in my view and 21 is especially big so obviously me being me I had to go over the top with celebrations from breakfast pancakes courtesy of Matt, to cake and presents, I sneakily managed to get his sister to come visit and arrange a surprise birthday meal with about 20 people without him knowing...I think. It was a brilliant day in the end and if my degree goes tits up then I can definitely become a party planner, although I'm not sure I'd want to, it was too bloody exhausting. 

I've written a few more articles for The Tab, the online student newspaper which you should all check out, I quite like doing this from time to time just to write about non-intellectual things and things that don't need referencing! 

After Dad's accident at Easter and all the heartbreaking beginning to the summer I didn't think this year could be any better, so far now it's been alright as dad is getting better, slowly beginning to remember what may have happened. It is hard to know though if what he remembers he really remembers or he's just creating memories of things we have told him. Anyways slowly does it but back to work 4 days a week is a good sign, I do worry about him though. I'm not a worrier by nature, always at least trying to be happy and positive, but sometimes things like what happened to dad and the loss of Grandad David, it is very hard to be upbeat because honestly sometimes things are just shit. But I just have to be thankful for what I do have, amazing friends and a whole supportive family, no matter how fractured we sometimes are. This wasn't meant to be a reflective or emotional post but sometimes I need to ponder on these things that have happened so I don't get lazy and assume I'm entitled to everything I have. I thank my lucky stars every day I have the life I do, even if I do complain about it sometimes!

Oh yeah and I met Example!!

Have a good week my loves!

Lots of Love, Kate xxx

Thursday, 6 August 2015

A Very British Summer

Well after the silence of the last few months, and after the slightly downhearted note of the past few posts, I thought it was time for an update. Although I've mostly been at work this holiday, the best part so far was going to visit Sabrina in deepest darkest Wales, or Haverfordwest as she calls it. 
Elliott and I drove up to Wales on our road trip to visit her, crossing the Severn Bridge (I thought we were flying), after spotting sheep and listening to the Vaccines too many times we made it there, and although we weren't there for long it was an awesome few days. My highlights were definitely getting caught by a giant wave while we were paddling at Newgale, eating Fish & Chips in St Davids, drinking lots of wine, watching endless ghosts programmes and Sabrina's Antipasti. We were well classy :)

This little holiday just reminded me how excited I was to move into our house at uni, so I never thought I would say this but roll on September! 








Have a good week my loves!

Lots of Love, Kate xxx

Saturday, 11 July 2015

In Loving Memory of David Rist

We shall miss you round the table, in the place you always fill,
When the laughter rings the loudest, we shall think about you still. 
You'll be in our conversation, though you are not taking part, 
Your name upon our lips and thoughts of you within our heart. 
And when we talk about old times and memories recall, 
That will be the moment when we miss you most of all. 

29th March 1930-27th June 2015
You will be greatly missed. 

Lots of Love, Kate xxx

Sunday, 28 June 2015

It's see you later, not goodbye

Now I know I haven't written in a while, and I really have no excuse. Since leaving university for the summer I have basically been working 24/7 in order to save money for my trip to South Africa which is meant to take place a week today, however, after this weekend it is probable I won't be going just yet.

This year has not been the easiest year for my family what with my Dad's accident so to have him on the mend is great. This past weekend we headed up to Norwich to visit my Dad's family for my grandma's late 80th birthday. Norwich is about 4 hours away from where I live so we don't get to see my grandparents here as much as possible, maybe about twice a year, along with my aunt and cousins who also live in Norwich. Also there this weekend were my cousins, aunt and uncle from New Zealand were here, this kind of family gathering happens maybe once every 5 years or so. Everyone was there, we had photos and lunch at the local country hotel before heading back to my grandparents' house about 5 minutes away. Whiling away the afternoon in the sunshine was lovely while the children were playing games and the adults were chatting. 


It really was a beautiful day.


Just after dinner something happened, something that in my 20 years of being alive has never happened to me before, my Grandad who was 85 years old, quietly passed away. Although like any elderly person of 85, he was on many medications, he had diabetes and various health problems, yesterday, he seemed healthy and happy. The paramedics came and tried to revive him but it wasn't any use, he had the best day surrounded by his family, and although I don't know if you can choose your death, I'm pretty sure if Grandad David could, that would have been the perfect time for him. 


It was such a heart-breaking moment, my dad and his younger sister and younger brother, along with my Grandma losing their dad/husband. I've never had a death this personal, so close to me, I've been very lucky in that respect. Nothing could have prepared me for it though, it feels like I am stuck in a bad dream and just can't wake up. Now all the talk of coroners, post-mortems and undertakers seems to be so surreal and it's all happening so fast. 


This year has probably been the toughest year for my dad especially, having a traumatic brain injury to recover from and now losing his dad. 

Death affects us in different ways, and although Grandad David's death couldn't be more perfect if it had to happen, the aftermath, this limbo that it has left us all in is something that no one can really explain. There is so much admin and paperwork that must be done, yet in all this, we cannot forget that he is now at peace. I know this is a very personal moment for my family, and some people may criticise me for writing this so publicly, but I say, everyone grieves in different ways and to share how I'm feeling will comfort me in the knowledge I can start to make sense of what happened this weekend.

Anyway, it's not goodbye Grandad David, it's see you later. Rest in Peace. Forever and Always.


Have a good week my loves!

Lots of Love, Kate xxx

Thursday, 4 June 2015

End of First Year

I know this post it a little late as exams finished two weeks ago but I thought its better late than never.

So exams have finished, the partying has begun along with the endless Netflix marathons and days that seem to drag on with deciding what to do. The luxury of doing nothing wears off pretty quickly, but I'm not going to complain anything beats revision.

Reflecting on the end of first year is strangely overwhelming, I can't believe how fast this year has gone. It seems only yesterday that I was getting on a plane to go travelling for my gap year. It's crazy that this time last year the people that I now count as my extended family and best friends I didn't even know to exist. First year was brilliant, and although second year is going to get harder, I am already looking forward to it knowing I am going to spend it with some of the most amazing people at such a great place.



On Tuesday I had afternoon tea and cake with these lovely people at a fancy hotel in Windsor overlooking the castle. It was beautiful but hilarious as we all came underdressed and of course, clumsy me managed to spill tea all down myself - I don't expect to be allowed back anytime soon! We followed this with some shopping and a well-needed cheeky Nandos - we couldn't walk past it and not go in.


 Although this party was last term, the picture says it all, the flat parties have been awesome and hopefully, we can top it all tomorrow night!


Note to self: Never leave the lads unattended with my phone in Nandos - Mad Max: Fury Road was a pretty good film though I have to say, not something I would normally see but on the boy's recommendation I would give it a solid 8/10.


One of the many number of midnight trips to M&S and Budgens led to the discovery of the Shaq drinks - hoping for some magical powers from drinking them, Sina and Matt were optimistic, but really they just tasted like water and cream soda.


We were all about that colouring lifestyle for a while, so much enjoyment was achieved from a colouring book, and it made a good revision distraction too.


...And there was lots of yummy food...


...And very drunk selfies...


...Hungover dates to London to feed our sushi obsession...


...And people just being general creepers...


...Terrifying faces were pulled...


...who knew so much happiness could be gained from a giant box in the kitchen...

...And my car found a twin.

This place has been so much more than just university, it has become a home, making it all the more painful to leave and say goodbye to everyone for four months. 

Have a good week my loves!

Lots of Love, Kate xxx

Sunday, 17 May 2015

These are a few of my favourite things...

Now a little while ago I wrote a post about me and I included a few things that I enjoy but being inspired by The Sound of Music, apparently my favourite film as a child, I wanted to share a few of my favourite things that always cause me to smile, I'm sure there is more but here is a short selection.


  • Being a sappy child: anything that anyone does that shows they've made an effort to think about me makes me so happy. My flatmates made me a beautiful book for my birthday about all the times we've had here so far, it was so perfect.
  • Singing: any kind of sing-song, whether in tune or not is brilliant. Songs, to me, are a sign of pure happiness, and that you are comfortable enough to sing in front of me means we must be really great friends. 
  • Laughing: and I don't just mean a little chuckle or giggle (although that is good too) I love the pure uncensored spontaneous laugh that just echoes around the room with joy and happiness. The stranger, high pitched, squeaky, mad sounds you make the better.
  • Hand-written notes: Again this is the personal touch, the effort that someone has gone to write to me means so much.
  • The freedom of travelling: Going somewhere new and exciting has to be one of the best parts of life, having the opportunity to just get on a plane and be somewhere completely different and it still being the same day it totally amazing.
  • Flowers: Everyone knows girls love flowers, but I really really love flowers, the beauty of something so temporary is really fascinating, plus I like the pretty colours ;)
  • Friends: the TV show and my actual friends, there aren't enough words to describe how I feel about both.
  • Sarcasm: one of the lowest forms of wit apparently, but I think it is one of the cleverest forms of humour, if you can take the sarcasm and give it out we will get along well.
  • Tea: I can't remember what my record it but I think it is close to 10 in a day, I think I may be addicted to tea but there's nothing better than a good cuppa at the end, middle or beginning of the day.
  • Driving: I've mentioned this one before but I gotta say it again because I love driving, a nice day, some great tunes and an open road, sounds cliched but so much fun.
  • Clumsy People: I love clumsy people because then I know I am not alone in the world, constantly injuring myself is an art I seem to have perfected. Clumsy people are generally brilliant to laugh with as they have had to learn to laugh at themselves too much to disguise that falling over did actually hurt more than you are letting on. 
  • Surprises: So I had a surprise birthday party for my 18th and I am such a control freak that it scared me, but since then I have learnt to love them. And for me, I really love planning surprises for other people.
Have a good week my loves!

Lots of Love, Katee xxx

Sunday, 3 May 2015

People

So you all know how much I love my flatmates as I don't ever stop talking about how amazing they are :) but I was thinking how weird living with 11 other random people actually is. University halls are weird places, you are put in with a group of randoms and expected to deal with it. I remember thinking when I first moved in, I felt like an antelope being chucked into the lion pen. For the lucky few, and I count myself in this, your flatmates become way more than just the people you live with, they are your family. They are the ones you have conversations with at 3am just because you can, the ones you knock on the door of when all you want it a cuddle because everything has just got a bit much, and the ones that you have the best laughs with, creating the best memories with.

However, on the other side, just because you are lucky enough to be living with your best friends you cannot take them for granted. Like at the moment we are in the middle of exam season - and let's just take a moment here to realise how bizarre the whole concepts of exams are. Being forced to sit down and basically word vomit out everything you know about a topic you've been learning about for the past year, no thank you. Anyway, exams always mean stressed people, and when you are living in such close proximity to people who are also dealing with exam stress, sometimes tensions run high. But it also starts to prove who your real friends are, the ones who support you through the hell that is exams. 


Hitting the grand old age of 20 a few months ago, and having travelled a fair few places and met different people, I would like to think that I know a little bit about people. Yet every now and then they surprise me. You think you know someone, but then for better or worse they show a different side to them and it surprises you. Perhaps its good but sometimes it is heart-wrenchingly painful to see people for who they really are instead of what you want them to be. That's the thing to me, I love the people that I live with, but just because I live with them doesn't make us automatically friends, you have to work at friendships and also allow them and you to branch out and meet other people too. It seems strange and a bit blunt but sometimes getting wrapped up in the people around you isn't healthy. At the end of the day everyone has their own lives and by clinging to people you will just drive them away as well as isolating yourself. I know this has got a bit Mentalist but its 1:30 am on Sunday morning and these are the places my mind seems to wander. 


Anyway, I promise a lighter note for the next post but for now I can hear Elliott and Sam banging around so I need to go yell at them so I can sleep!


Have a good week my loves!

Lots of Love, Kate xxx

Sunday, 19 April 2015

What makes you Strong? (with a capital S)

So over the past couple of days, in light of what happened to Dad, the word "Strong" has been tossed around a lot. It got me thinking, what is "Strong" and what makes us "Strong". See, I don't know if I would say I'm Strong, I think it is pretty hard to judge for yourself, I do my best anyway.

Is it smiling in the face of adversity?

Is it picking yourself up after a hard day and carrying on?
Is it not crying when all you want to do it cry?
Is it crying when all you want to do is keep it in?
Is it keeping it in?
Is it not keeping it in?
Is it being there for someone when they need you?
Is it being the person everyone knows they can rely on, the rock?
Is it holding everything together when those around you can't?
Is it learning from your mistakes?
Is it holding your hands up when you are wrong?
Is it facing the day when you want to stay in bed?
Is it lifting that extra 5kg in the gym?
Is it going for that run that you've been putting off for weeks?
Is it saying no to that last piece of chocolate?
Is it doing that thing that makes you scared the most?
Is it saying fuck it and talking to that person you've been to nervous to talk to?
Is it finally booking that plane ticket and getting away like you've always dreamed of?
Is it reading that book you've been meaning too since last summer?
Is it saying yes when you would normally say no?
Or is it just singing and dancing your way through the day?

It could be a number of things, and a combination of amazing qualities that we all possess that take time to develop and grow and slowly, bit by bit, we get stronger and stronger, dealing with all the shit that may fall in our path, blindsiding you when you least expect it. I like the idea that as we get older we get stronger and wiser but somehow I think I'm going to be just as mad then as I am now but hopefully stronger.







Have a good week my loves!

Lots of Love, Kate xxx

Friday, 10 April 2015

About Me

A little bit of news before I get onto the main topic of this post. Today my first ever proper article was published by The Tab. Okay so it has been tweaked by the editor quite a bit but most of it is mine and I'm very excited to show you it here!

Today I realised I have had this blog for nearly 3 years and yet looking back to the beginning I never properly introduced myself. So here goes, 3 years late:


Hi, I'm Kate, I am 20 years old and am a student at Royal Holloway, University of London where I study English and Classical Studies. I started this blog as a way to remember my time in hospital, which granted is a weird thing to want to remember but now I'm glad I started it because it allows me to remember my story and hopefully lets anyone else who is mad enough to read it too.


1) I love driving. There I said it. Many of my passengers would probably love to disagree with me but I think I'm not too bad at it either. There is just something about the freedom that driving brings you that is unlike anything else.


2) I am very much a savoury person over sweet - pass me a bag of crisps over chocolate any day!


3) I once had an argument (albeit very brief) on Twitter with Louisa Zissman, the Apprentice candidate about foreign languages, needless to say, I won.

4) I am probably one of the clumsiest people you will ever meet, and my flatmates bought me an adult bib with my name on it just to prove it.


5) When I went travelling I got to experience such amazing things and have such a great time, but it also taught me so much about self-reliance and independence. There were some of the loneliest points I've ever had, but I wouldn't change it for the world.


6) I want to retire to Cornwall and eat pastries and ice cream every day


7) I am 5'10 bordering on 5'11 and have size 9/10 feet which (I think) qualifies me to be a man and therefore can never ever wear heels which I am secretly pleased about.


8) Wherever I go I am always official bug and spider killer as I find them interesting not scary.


9) When I was younger I loved to read, which is why I am so uneducated when it comes to films, Lord of the Rings, Jaws, Titanic, Shawshank, haven't seen any of them!


10) I love my flatmates to bits and can't wait to be back at uni with them (once exams are over of course)


Now I have to dash off to work but I hope you enjoyed reading a little bit more about me!


Have a great week my loves!


Lots of Love, Kate xxx


Thursday, 9 April 2015

Dreams

I don't know what it is, but recently I have been feeling very excited and I couldn't quite put my finger on it, what is it I am looking forward to? And then it hit me. I am so excited for the future. I've never really thought about what I really want to do with my life, I don't have any career aspirations or plans, but one thing I can't wait for is my future family. It is amazing to think that hopefully my future husband is somewhere out there, whether I know him or not, and he will be half of my future children and I just can't wait. 
To some people I know domestic life sounds like hell, being stuck in one place or the same job etc, but to me, I can't wait. I am so excited to be able to sit down with my family at dinner, picking children up from school, going on family holidays, and I know this sounds terribly idealistic and dreamy but to me, this is my dream. 
It's not like I'm planning to be a wife from the 50s, I am going to have a career, whatever that may be, but to me as important as that will be, my family is what I am excited for.

So this got me thinking, I wonder if anyone else has ever thought like this. For me, a husband and children are what I want and I would never think of anything else. But of course there are people who would not want to get married or have children, and I was just curious how they decided that. I mean I never really decided, it was just a sort of given but what if when it comes down to it I change my mind, or that it never happens. That's the trouble with big dreams, there is no way of knowing whether they will ever come true. I really hope I have the chance to be a wife and a mum, and positive thinking will get you everywhere, but what if it doesn't happen, what is plan B. 


I think if it doesn't happen I will try to travel as much as possible. I know that sounds cliche but travelling with friends is also another one of my dreams. I have travelled alone to all these amazing places and will take every opportunity to go anywhere new, but I don't think there is much better than going to such incredible places with amazing people that you love. 


Obviously dreams like these are the classic wishy-washy ones like 'I want to be a millionaire' but considering we only get one shot at this life, might as well make it one that you are happy with, proud of and full of fulfilled dreams, no matter what they are. One person's dream to you may sound like boring hell to you, but it is still their dream. 

So don't rain on their parade, help them dance in the rain. 

Have a great week my loves!

Lots of Love, Kate xxx

Tuesday, 7 April 2015

Easter Monday

Well it's been about a week and I've slowly made a little bit of progress with revision but obviously, there is always more to be done! 

The Easter long weekend is usually a time for a family get together in our household and this year would be no exception. All my mum's family were invited to our house on Easter Monday for a roast lunch, yet this would be one to remember. It all started when Dad decided he was going to go for a bike ride as it was such a lovely day, dressed in his cycling leotard which I made fun of and the newly fixed up bike he said he would be back in an hour. In 1 hour 45 mins later we were wondering where he had got to, joking that maybe he had a flat tyre or something so I decided to call him. 

Answering the phone I thought it was Dad, jokily yelling, 'Where are you?' it turned out to be a policeman. He said Dad had been involved in a very serious accident, they weren't sure if it was a hit and run, although later it turns out it probably wasn't, he had been sedated and airlifted to Southampton General Hospital with head injuries. They sent an unmarked police car over to the house to take my Mum and Auntie down to the hospital, blue lights blaring and 90 mph all the way. 
After waiting and waiting it turns out Dad had been put in an induced coma with a broken collarbone and broken skull - he wasn't wearing a helmet. Going down the hill too fast he hit a sunken drain cover and came off, we think but really no one knows. 
Various scans yesterday show that there is no internal bleeding and he should be okay, today he had an operation to try and close the head would although they may have to do a skin graft if it doesn't take. Also, they tried to wake him up today but it was too quick and he was too unstable, hopefully, tomorrow they will have more luck. 

I haven't had the chance to see him yet, hopefully, tomorrow all being well. It's very strange because he was here one minute and then the next not. It's weird being in a coma because he will not know what has happened and it is unlikely that he will even remember the accident but hopefully will be okay again soon. There's nothing we can do but wait and this 'in limbo' effect is odd. This is probably one of the scariest things that have happened to my family and I really hope there will be no more for a while.


I'll keep you all updated when I can


Have a great week my loves!

Lots of Love, Kate xxx

Tuesday, 31 March 2015

Procrastination for the modern era

Hello, my lovelies,

It's now the fourth day of my university Easter holidays and I have achieved absolutely nothing. The long list of work is always on my mind and with exams looming and the end of first year fast approaching and I can't quite believe it. 


My procrastination skills, on the other hand, are flourishing nicely, my bed has become my haven and Netflix is my best friend. I haven't unpacked and haven't even made a dent in my reading list and yet I am strangely calm while also panicking inside and still nothing is being done. This strange state of being has got me thinking, procrastination in today's world is so easy that it almost becomes second nature to me now. Sometimes taking a break or a duvet day is needed, but not 4 days in a row without doing much.


There is such a thing as productive procrastination I have found, tidying my room or creating a recipe book (yes I did do that one over Christmas) but I'm not even doing that at the moment. Nothing is being done and I love it, but at the same time, I feel strangely guilty for just having a rest. With the multitude of things that we can now do instead of the work we are meant to be doing, it is partly surprising we get anything done anymore anyways! 


Even writing this blog is procrastination on my part - and reading it is procrastination on yours! So get back to work and I will try as well, although only once I have finished the current episode of Gossip Girl...


Have a great week my loves!

Lots of Love, Kate xxx


Procrastination, Uni Style 

Monday, 23 March 2015

Being Ill at University and the rest...

Now I knew this was bound to happen, I would get ill at university and instantly want my parents to come and look after me. Normally I can battle my way through a lingering cough and the unwanted cold by myself, drugging myself up with all the cough medicines under the sun, but now I have got an ear infection which I have had for nearly two weeks now, and I feel like it is all I can talk about, I can hear my flatmates getting bored of me still complaining about the ringing in my ears and the deafness and yet I still can't stop going on about it. It was such a problem at the weekend, and still is that I had to go to A&E to get antibiotics which haven't worked yet but I'm praying they are going to kick in soon.
This is making me grumpy also because I think everyone is going out tonight and I'm not because I'm ill etc and such a boring person.

Anyways that rant over, I wanted to speak about the fact that we are coming to the end of the second term here at university and soon exams are going to start and first year will be over. I can't believe it is going to be over. I absolutely love it here, my friends are my family and I love being so independent, but with my last essay results received today, I'm not sure if I will be able to make it through next year. I am solidly sitting at a 2:2 which is not good enough for me, and no matter how hard I try I seem to do no better. I'm not sure this whole degree thing is working for me. I know I'm sure everyone has their wobbles but I can't see how I am going to make it better and pick up my game to get to a 2:1 which is what I really want.


Anyway, next time I write hopefully I'll be out of this downer and be feeling better, so bye, for now, my lovelies.


Have a great week my loves!

Lots of Love, Kate xxx

Wednesday, 11 March 2015

The Sun is on its way

Although this is a little late as it is now Wednesday I just want to write a little about my lovely weekend that I had and then a little something else.

So although it was quite quiet in the flat, it was beautiful. The sun was shining so Romily, Elliott and I had a walk down into Egham, or "big E" as we affectionately call it, it was lovely just to wander around the town, discovering places we didn't even know existed, and then Elliott and Jorge got a much-needed haircut (don't tell them that haha) and we walked back before having a very productive evening in the Library. 
On Sunday Romily, Sabrina, Ells and I went to have Sunday lunch, and then again back to the library, and although it doesn't seem that interesting a weekend, it was one of the best I've had in a while as it was productive yet very enjoyable, and I think this was probably down to the fact the sun was shining, it felt like summer was on its way and probably because I was with awesome people once again who I can't thank enough for putting up with me. University wouldn't be half as brilliant without them.

Onto another topic, I just wanted to touch upon, mainly last week, and a little the week before I began to feel like everything was suddenly getting on top of me and I wasn't doing enough. Not enough, but like, the best y'know? But I've realised that as long as I try, nothing else matters, I tend to be very overly critical of myself and it's a habit that I've learnt to control, however sometimes it's still there. If I'm not doing everything, signing up for everything I can do and making the most of my time then I feel inadequate and get that very much what's the point kind of attitude which I hate. When it has become mostly a problem is when now when I should be sleeping, I am so tired just because I feel that sleeping is almost a waste of time sometimes and I could be doing so much more with my time. Yet this weekend I realised it does matter and I just need to stop, stop trying to please everybody and stop trying to do everything, just try and does what I can while still looking after myself. It's the only way it's going to work without me going crazier than I already am anyway!

Woah got a bit deep there... Anyways gotta run

Have a great week my loves!

Lots of Love, Kate xxx

Wednesday, 4 March 2015

Pablo Neruda

So today I had my last English Foundation Tutorial session which was quite sad as I have grown to love all the girls in my group but Sarah shared this really amazing poem by Pablo Neruda, who I have never heard of before, but it really struck a chord with me so I thought I would share it with you all. It is honest and true and makes sense all at the same time while speaking absolute nonsense. It is brilliant and I love it and it sums up how I quite often think and feel right now even when I don't. Also, the original Spanish is beautiful too so I thought I would include it at the bottom.

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving you to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will ensue
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story, I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you.
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

Spanish Original
No te quiero sino porque te quiero
y de quererte a no quererte llego
y de esperarte cuando no te espero
pasa mi corazón del frío al fuego.

Te quiero solo porque a ti te quiero,
te odio sin fin, y odiandote te ruego,
y la medida de mi amor viajero
es no verte y amarte como un ciego.

Tal vez consumira la luz de Enero,
su rayo cruel, mi corazón entero,
robandome la llave del sosiego.

En esta historia solo yo me muero
y morire de amor porque te quiero,
porque te quiero, amor, a sangre y fuego.

And although I'm not going to pretend I understand Spanish at all, I have been told that the English translation doesn't do it justice in its literal translation of the beauty with which the words are selected. I apologise for going all English student-y but don't you think it is just lovely? Well, I do anyway.

Time for a quick Kate update, well not much is going on at the moment, I'm still at University, they haven't realised they've made a huge mistake yet and kicked me out, thank god! 

Occasionally I have these desires to quit everything here and just get on a plane like last year but then I realise I have actual commitments and responsibilities here and can't let anyone down. That's one thing I really can't do. Plus I think I should kinda get my degree first before I go running off again. Um, what else. I'm thinking I will probably go back to South Africa in the summer if I can get enough money together again, probably with Real Gap again, just because that way I will be with a group of people again. 

Oh yeah, and I am so so excited to be moving into my new house in July. I've been looking forward to it ever since we signed the contracts but it has lately dawned on me just how awesome it is going to be living with/next to some of my favourite people living in my own real life house where I can play mum and look after everyone and cook group meals for us all and play day trips...oh and did I mention somewhere in all this dreaming there will be actual real work to do. 

Another point that I'm really enjoying at the moment is my job as a Student Ambassador. To begin with, I wasn't really that keen on it but as the year has progressed I have gotten to know people and it has also made me much more approachable in myself and I feel much more confident from it. So it has to be a good thing - right!? Although I don't appreciate the early mornings, or standing in the cold for hours so your feet hurt, or wearing the horrible orange t-shirts... did I mention how much I love it?

Well, I guess it should be time for me to sign off now, I still haven't finished my reading, I'm tired, going to do the radio show tomorrow morning with Sabrina and have to get up early for that, but the likelihood of me going to sleep right now is slim to none. Ah well, that's student life for you - my current excuse for everything at the moment!!

Have a great week my loves!

Lots of Love, Kate xxx

Tuesday, 24 February 2015

Left Out

So tonight I thought I would write about something that really upsets me. it's nothing serious and depressing but even now I think it is important and I'm pretty sure it happens to most people. The feeling of being left out and forgotten, but not even forgotten, it's being forgotten on purpose. Recently I have realised that no matter how old you are, nice you are, tall you are, small you are, people are the same the world over. I can remember this same feeling of being left out from when I was little, being left out of games, planning things and being left when they prefer to choose someone else over you, little things that looking back aren't really a big deal now but the feeling is still the same.
And the more I think about it the more it upsets me because I have found out no matter how hard you try, no matter what you for people they will still leave you out, whether by purpose or not. So really what is the point of trying? But you never stop because that's just who you are and you couldn't have it any other way, so you keep getting hurt over and over again.

People can surprise you in the best of ways and the worst of ways, I just wish sometimes the same people don't do both. 

Have a great week my loves!

Lots of Love, Kate xxx

Monday, 26 January 2015

January

So January is now coming to an end and wow, how fast has that gone by eh? I can't believe I've now been back at uni for two weeks, it feels like so much longer but also has gone by really quickly y'know?

Now I don't have long to write as I am really meant to be doing my English Foundation work and catching up on my reading. I need to try and get on top of my work at the moment before it all goes out of control - although I deep cleaned my room at the weekend, so I'm going with the theory that a clean room makes way for a clean mind or something like that. Oh, and I've also realised recently that what I write about is often quite dull and I ramble a lot, but I figured as I'm probably the only one reading it then it doesn't really matter does it?

What the purpose of this post was to talk about my amazing and incredible friends here at uni and at home. 
Firstly all those at home, I just wanted to say thank you for being my friends for coming on 9 years now, and it's still as amazing as ever. I need to see you more and promise I will try and visit more. Who would have thought that arriving at South Wilts aged 11 we would still be friends now, and to those in Sixth Form it feel like I have known you since year 7 anyway? You are all epic!

Now to my wonderful flatmates and amazing uni friends (one and the same). The main reason I love it here so much is because of you lot. You make every day interesting and brilliant and although we've only known each other since September we are already a family. All the laughter and all the tears, we have been there through it all and no doubt much more to come and I can't wait. 

I love you all so much and the soppy sap I am, I just wanted to share it. I wouldn't be where I am with my amazing friends and family and I just wanted to say a big 
THANK YOU!

You've made me who I am today and I am so grateful for all of you

Have a great week my loves!

Lots of Love, Kate xxx

Monday, 5 January 2015

Back to Uni

So today is Monday and on Friday morning I am going to be getting in my car and driving myself the 50 miles back to uni. And I have to say I cannot wait. Although it means I'm going to have to get this work done and begin my degree again which is most definitely going to be a wake up after doing very little this holiday. 

Recently in my life very little has been going on. The Christmas period itself was very stressful, spending time with the family is nice and all but living on top of each other, sharing rooms at other relatives houses was way too much and I certainly couldn't handle that again. Having lived for myself for the last three months but then I got to thinking and I realised I probably haven't lived at home for this long in over a year, making it much more manageable I think.


Writing this post is also another way of delaying me doing my Latin work, I made the mistake of leaving it and now my brain has got a bit rusty over the past 3 weeks. Its either Latin or reading Frankenstein and I know what I rather would do, and what I probably should do. Also yesterday I rediscovered my guitar - I had lessons about 2 years ago and have totally forgotten everything but I thought I might teach myself this time and so far so good. I'm going to take it to uni and annoy everyone there with my awful playing!


I know this is only a short and sweet one but I could just do with a little rambling to distract myself from this Latin!!!!!


Have a great week my loves!

Lots of Love, Kate xxx

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