Tuesday, 16 December 2014

Home, but is it?

How quickly has Christmas come around? And with that the end of term, and the end of the first term at uni. Granted it is nice to have a break from the work, but to be honest, in the last two weeks of term I did very little work anyway. We had a lovely successful flat Christmas dinner on Wednesday, so much food and all the secret Santa presents were so perfect for each person it was amazing. 

I love my flatmates, there I said it, they are each individually incredible people that without them wouldn't make uni as nearly as good. 

Now I'm home without them it has dawned on me how close we have become in the past three months, and how crazy it is that back in September I didn't know them and now I am finding it really hard to survive this holiday without them. These 4 weeks are going to be really tough, it has only been two days since I left and I am already going crazy without them - most definite flat withdrawal symptoms. Also hugely feel like I am being that clingy friend as I won't leave them alone!

Saturday was very hard as everyone slowly left one by one and it felt like the last episode from Friends when they all leave all their keys on the side and walk out. Slowly everyone left until it was me and Ells left so we had a nice night in, Amalia and Kate came over and we ordered pizza, watched Friends and went to see the stars, and got to see a shooting star. When they left Elliott and I did not steal everyone else's food... and did not go a bit crazy wandering the corridor, I kept expecting someone to walk in as if they'd just gone away for the weekend but they didn't. I was very very strange and driving home I just felt very numb. 

Living with 11 other people to living with my family again is very hard, I just don't quite feel like I belong here or fit in here anymore. To be honest, I feel like I have changed and so should have everything at home and it hasn't. They have their own lives and their own things to be getting on with which is fine and everything but I don't know where my place is, and almost as if the last 3 months never happened, like I've returned from another trip on my gap year. I know I will get used to it and it will just take time, I mean I have to, but to begin with, it is a challenge that I will have to deal with.

Miss them all so much,

Have a great week my loves!

Lots of Love, Kate xxx

Saturday, 6 December 2014


I can't believe I have one week left at Uni until we break up for the Christmas holidays. It's crazy how fast the time goes and although I love everyone here to bits and it's going to break my heart having to be away from them all for a month. Yet last night was the first night I well and truly didn't want to be here. While most people were getting dressed up and drunk to go out I couldn't go because of my stupid illness. The SU is shit at the best of times and apparently only good when drunk - but I would never know that!! And I don't want to go out like that and be the only vaguely sober one. I never thought not drinking would ever bother or affect me. But last night is really and truly the first time it ever has and I hated it. I was so angry that I would be missing out and so pissed off that once again I was left behind because of this stupid pancreatitis and I don't want anyone else to treat me different or stay in with me or anything like that. I don't want to ruin anyone else's night. I'm just putting the thought and the wish out there that I hope I won't get so upset over it as obviously there is nothing I can do about it except get over it. 

Have a great week my loves!

Lots of Love, Kate xxx

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